Hope, dangles on a string,
like slow spinning redemption.
Winding in and winding out,
the shine of it has caught my eye.
And roped me in,
So mesmerizing and so hypnotizing.
I am captivated, I am ...

Today, I visited the Polyclinic to get referred to the hospital for my injured back. I remember that very day to Bukit Batok ITE for a 'visit' around the 'N' levels, or was it the O's? Anyway, it rained that day and the stairs were wet enough for me to have slided down that flight of stairs on my bum.

2004, I went to get my back X-rayed. The doctor said nothing was wrong. So, I lived with the pain.

Now, 2009, my mom suggested another visit to the doctor's. What happen was, in 2004 my very last bone of the spine got angulated (and the doctor didn't mention anything then). I only found out today, after this lady doctor told me. She added that this bone should NOT cause any pain, but I should get it X-rayed again to see if it has developed anything new.

What did the report say?

Findings:
There is loss of normal lumbar lordosis. The spine is otherwise normal in alignment. The vertebrae and intervetebral disc spaces are normal. There is no prevertebral or paravertebral soft tissue abnormality. The sacroiliac joints are normal.

Impression:
Loss of normal lumbar lordosis, like due to paraspinal muscle spasm. Recommend clinical correlation.

I raised an eyebrow, thinking..."oh shit, is this something bad?"
Although I must say I was happy to read nothing's wrong with my bones.

And so, upon entering the room I asked the lady what it means to have a loss of normal lumbar lordosis.

From my own research online and her explanation:
Loss of lordosis is when the natural curvature of the spine (in the lower back for lumbar lordosis) is absent. In other words, instead of the normal and necessary inward curve, the spine is straight.

Next Wednesday (18 March), I have an appointment with the orthopaedic @ Jurong Medical Center in the afternoon. Which means, I'll be taking a day off from work. No, it's not something I'm glad about.

When it was decided that I was going to the polyclinic for the check-up, while waiting for my turn to enter the room, during the x-ray, after returning to the doctor's room, on my way back home, up till now......I'm afraid. I'm scared.

I hope, I pray there is no need for any surgery.
I have crazy, stupid thoughts. Will I be paralyzed? Bedridden? What it my spine gives way one day?

Sigh.

Everything will be alright...won't it?